♡; Favorite Person — BPD.

 Favorite person in BPD is someone who you think you can't live without, at least that's how I understand it. I used to have an FP, they were my oxygen and it felt as if I exist because of them. I wish I knew how unhealthy it was for me, but, even though I'm aware that this is extremely toxic and unhealthy — I still yearn for an FP. I feel like my life isn't worth living out without someone. Anyway, because of this, I developed severe attachment issues to almost everyone I meet. And whenever I don't get their attention right away, I feel hurt to the point where I could blow up on them and tell them how much I hate them for not giving me their attention. Example: there's this guy I like and we talk everyday, when he won't talk to me or he shows signs that he doesn't want to talk to me I would become angry and think about cutting him off completely because he didn't spare me his attention for a day or so. But if he would give me his attention, I would go back to being very happy around him and then being very upset and mad when we don't talk. It's kind of an endless cycle and I don't think he should compensate for something he has 0 control of. Nor should I, I think. Furthermore, I used to have an FP. A guy I dated for around 2 years. I lived for him and I was so devoted to him until I was not. I cut him off entirely because I experienced splitting. For the first month of the break up, I was devastated because I lost my FP. But then I eventually found a new one, my new FP was lovely but in the end they ended up irritating me and now I think I quite literally loathe them. Now I don't have an FP and I feel so empty and unmotivated. I guess that's my experience with FP's, though, just a reminder. BPD isn't just about FP's, there's more deepness to it that I can't put to words. I guess that's all for this blog.