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♡; If there is a next time, meet me in Amsterdam.

We met in Amsterdam in a very cold and lonely night. You were sitting alone in a park and I was crying on the fountain next to it. You approached me and asked me why I was crying. I asked you why you were sitting all alone here. We both found out that we tried to take our own lives on the same day. And ever since that encounter we stayed right next to eachother. You were there for me when I needed you the most, and I was there when you needed me the most. You'd leave gifts on my doorstep when you knew I didn't want to talk to anyone. You were there. You really were there for me . Until you weren't. Just like a star in the night sky that died and faded away right after, you were gone. And I still wait for you. On sunny days and on rainy nights, I look out the window. Hope still lingering in my heart. You'd comeback right? On desperate nights, I visit the park in hopes of seeing you there, sitting alone. But no, the park gradually becomes filled with people and I would sc
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♡; The passenger in the train.

  We were seated across eachother on the moving train. You were reading a book, probably half of all it's pages in and you looked so focused while reading. The convoy is empty, aside from you and I. The emptiness is strange because it's an early afternoon in the middle of summer. It was quietness accompanied by the train wheels moving along the rails. I shifted my view to the landscapes, we were surrounded by sky-piercing mountains and towering trees. The sun isn't particularly very bright, but it was bright enough to make some light pass through the leaves. It casted some shadows on the train floor, occasionally disappearing when we passed by a very thick line of trees. I leaned my head on the window, it was very peaceful. I then directed my view towards you, this time you weren't reading your book, but you were listening to your MP3 player. You were looking outside the window with a tiresome expression. It was quiet, of course. But this time the music from your MP3 pl
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♡; Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought.

I don't know how to express it properly, so I prefer to keep it to myself. Little did I know just how overwhelming it was to not be able to express just how much I love you. I try to leave as much hints as I can to let you know but you used to be so oblivious and it was frustrating to see because I was too shy to be obvious. Liking you was out of the blue, I never expected it to happen but it did. Do I regret it? No. I don't know how everything happened, it just happened before I even knew what was happening. I can't contain myself around you because I always feel the need to tell you just how much I adore and love you. It makes me feel all flustered and shy. It's as if everything is right when you're with me. Time flies by so fast when we're together. I wonder how many times I lost sleep because I was busy talking to you and fawning over you. I always wonder how it would be if we were right next to eachother; Would we talk? Would we shy away from eachother? Wou
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♡; My love-hate relationship with solitude.

  I love solitude. But I loathe solitude. I love the quietness, but the quietness makes me feel sad. The constant battle between wanting to be alone and wanting to be with everyone is a struggle. Because sometimes I end up cutting people off for the sake of being alone, but then I would miss them and beg for them to comeback. I don't know how to balance my want for solitude and company. I love them both but I find it hard to balance them, maybe one day I can finally choose loneliness without cutting people off. And I hope that day comes.
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♡; Favorite Person — BPD.

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  Favorite person in BPD is someone who you think you can't live without, at least that's how I understand it. I used to have an FP, they were my oxygen and it felt as if I exist because of them. I wish I knew how unhealthy it was for me, but, even though I'm aware that this is extremely toxic and unhealthy — I still yearn for an FP. I feel like my life isn't worth living out without someone. Anyway, because of this, I developed severe attachment issues to almost everyone I meet. And whenever I don't get their attention right away, I feel hurt to the point where I could blow up on them and tell them how much I hate them for not giving me their attention. Example: there's this guy I like and we talk everyday, when he won't talk to me or he shows signs that he doesn't want to talk to me I would become angry and think about cutting him off completely because he didn't spare me his attention for a day or so. But if he would give me his attention, I would
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♡; She said, "don't make others suffer for your personal hatred".

Neon Genesis Evangelion Episode 12: She said, "don't make other suffer for your personal hatred". Acting on anger is a foolish mistake. It can be avoidable but for an emotion as strong as anger, sometimes we can't help but do something because of it. I have horrible anger issues and horrible anger management, and I'm here to say this because acting on wrath can make you lose everything before you even know it. I've broken things in a heartbeat because of my anger and no matter how much I try to calm myself down by doing calm things, it just wouldn't work because I always feel the need to hurt something or someone. And that is obviously not a good thing, so I avoid being around things and people when I'm angry because I know I'll end up breaking something or hurting someone. And this blog is written for me and for people who always seem to put people under a lot of pain when they're mad. Trust me, it is NOT worth breaking something or hurting so
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♡; The end justifies the means.

The end justifies the means "wrong or unfair methods may be used if the overall goal is good". I abide by this saying and I wonder if people actually go with it. Would people think I'm a bad person for following it? Probably. Because as far as I know, people like being fair when it comes to situations and I agree. We have to be fair but there are instances wherein we have to resort to using unfair methods to get a good outcome.
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